You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
