So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
