Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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