im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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