how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
