I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
