I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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