I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
