Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
