Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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