Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
