guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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