I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
