a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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