You're completely useless in the revolution.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
