Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
