Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
