I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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