Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
