yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
