OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
