If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
