Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize