it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
