hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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