so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
