I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
