If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sober January is a disaster.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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