Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
