i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
