I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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