you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Randomize
