We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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