i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
