I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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