what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
