I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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