first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
