Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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