I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
