is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
