it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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