Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
