he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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