You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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