Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
too bad you live with your parents still
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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