I think I died a long time ago.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
