I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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