I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
