Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
