i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
